BaSH PR0MPT

I was told today that last night there was a brutal gang raping of a young girl in a slightly rough but usually quiet area of an otherwise extremely quiet region that is a predominantly white, middle class, boring as fuck retiree haven over here in Australia.
The details were quite brutal, and involved forced penetration with a pole, amongst other nasties, as a group of men subdued and took turns raping some poor unfortunate young girl who ‘died this morning’ from her injuries whilst in hospital.

This shit was all spread on Facebook mind you, and has subsequently ended up all over the Hawkesbury Gazette.

So, being the fearless internet tough guy blogger that I am, I decided to apply my complete lack of media training (unlike the Hawkesbury Gazette) and … fucking ask?

A brief chat with the duty officer of the LAC in question, and I was informed it’s bullshit, although they’d just received a call prior notifying them that it was all over the Hawkesbury Gazette. The entire thing is the product of an overactive imagination, and inbred hicks posting things all over face book without thinking to check the news, or call their local police station, who would have confirmed that it did not happen, and is not true.

For my international readers, who aren’t Aussie’s or locals: In Australia, rape is infrequent, fuck violent crime itself is pretty infrequent, gang rape is almost unheard of. Almost all gang rape over here occurs in Sydney’s south-southwest, or three public instances in the Parramatta area.
A brief overview of the justice systems PDF mail outs of crimes and punishments shows the above to be true, and almost all gang rape exclusively involves ‘persons of middle eastern appearance’ and ‘muslim’ identified as their religious beliefs when (if) they are processed into the prison system post-sentencing.
In the past there have been huge public outcries in relation to the constant affiliation of Islam and rape, along with batshit insane mullah’s promoting vile sexist beliefs, blaming women for being raped, and defending gang rapists such as Bilal Skaff, who got thirty years prison sentence while most of his mates got off because they were young (including tax payer funded renames, and relocations, so they don’t get lynched) for a spate of gang rapes.
As an anti-theist, I’m unsurprised by this, although I couldn’t particularly see any religion aside from Islam being responsible for … well, most vile disgusting racist, sexist, and immoral acts because, of all the religions, they tend to have the most vapid vitriolic fuckwits of the less than 23% of the population who consider religion to be important to them here.
As an aside, I find it ironic that for a nation where religious types are a significantly dwindling minority (google the correlation between lifespan, education, and quality of life and the lack of religion if you want your mind blown, we’re the seventh most atheistic nation and the seventh highest in quality of life), they sure are vocal, obnoxious, and make up a disproportionate amount of gun crime, sexual crimes, etc.
So from an Australian point of view, the Hawkesbury region is the polar opposite, as it’s a very quiet little region, where at most you get stories of drunken yobs punching on on a Friday night, and that’s about it. A crime spree for those kinds of areas would probably be a bunch of graffiti occurring, or a junkie breaking into a couple of houses in one night.

Edit: Almost one month and no reply to my email to Blacktown City Council, or their pound, and no reply from the @blacktowncc social media team.

Note to Blacktown City Council’s PR department reading this: There is a note at the end of this so you understand just how horrible a mess you’ve got yourselves in.

My cat disappeared for a night a couple of days ago, but reappeared in the middle of the night. The next morning, she vanished again. Turns out she was abducted by some moron who thought she was a stray, from our front yard, and taken to their home where she caused a fuss until they let her go the first night, assumedly, and the next time they took her to the pound. Now, I’m not saying they’re dickheads, they probably thought they were doing the right thing in some twisted bunny boiler bizarre way, but .. well, they’re dickheads.

But the biggest dickhead of this entire encounter is Blacktown City Council. The Companion Animals Act 1998 has provisions for animals born before the date it came in, which includes my cat, however on arriving at the pound they insisted I fork out $350 or there abouts, for ‘Lifetime Registration’, microchipping, and her stay. Now these are things I didn’t ask for, and if it weren’t for the negligence of the idiot who catnapped her in the first place, and these are things I wouldn’t have to do per the act. However, I was directed to the usual scabby print outs on walls of misquoted legislation you get at places that deal with people who might not be too impressed getting surprise blackmailed for their pets. It cited a subclause of a clause of a regulation of an act,[1] whereas the ACT itself said she is exempt. The parenthetical terms that they based their entire ransom on was ‘including a council pound’.

Now statutory interpretation is a very fickle fiend. That’s sarcasm, it’s written in plain English and is pretty simple to understand, especially if you apply a purposive evaluation of the legislation or look to extrinsic materials that were used in the framing period such as reading speeches. Either way, unless an act states that it is retroactive it isn’t. So my argument that the act didn’t apply to her was valid. The regulation on the wall was also invalid, even if it were valid it would be a stretch.

The problem with this situation is, you’ve lost your pet, you’re in a tizz, you heard from a neighbor that some dickhead took it, then suddenly you’re at a front desk desperate to get your pet out and they’re telling you all these things and costs you have to do and pay which always include extortionate fees from the state government in the way of the constant ‘surprise taxation’ I keep telling my international viewers about. To resolve this situation I would have to had gone and gotten an injunction from the local courthouse, which would take a week, or I have to pay the ransom and let them hurt my elderly cat who’s just recovering from a very, very serious operation which was extremely touch and go, most of you might remember that.

I had booked in to visit my vet, he asked to bring her to him if she had to be chipped, so he could do it under anaesthetic to lessen the trauma and injury. This wasn’t accepted. I understand the people there were doing there job, and they were very empathic to the situation, but the bottom line is this is a disgusting and inappropriate act. We are the only state in the country, and one of two countries in the world where it’s mandatory to chip or register, and I understand the purpose of it, however it could be resolved with an ear tattoo, or a collar and tag, registerable online by the owner, bringing the entire administrative costs to $0 and the physical cost incurred to a few bucks. If the PURPOSE of this rubbish is to ensure animals are registered and reduce lost animals / increase returns, this would be the approach, as I guarantee you every owner would do it, breeders, stores, and adoption agencies could foot the $2 bill and give them away, hell I’d even throw a few grand into a public fund to launch such a scheme.

But I truly and utterly don’t believe the purpose of this is so Blacktown City Council, or the NSW Government, can look after the well being of companion animals, and believe beyond any doubt it is just another underhanded little fee that adds to the entire most-taxed-nation-on-earth along with compounded surprise taxes along the way.

Microchipping is a cool idea, but it’s cruel, painful, and uneccessary (the latter as I outlined above), it uses a 12-14 guage needle, and is done without anaesthetic, even when I asked if anaesthetic could be used, and offered to pay extra, I was told they can’t and aren’t taught to do it that way. I discussed it with a staff member there, who assured me it’s not very painful to the animal and they don’t show pain. I countered that that’s because the animals are all shitting themselves because they just got shanked by a stranger in a strange place so they’ll just go limp and take whatever is done to them or flip out, the latter often being put down to circumstance.

He was reassuring and very professional, I must say, although I did challenge him and ask if he’d microchip himself. He explained that it’d hurt him, and if he got stabbed in the neck with it he’d be hospitalized and probably need stitches. I pointed out that whilst I believe he believes they don’t feel pain, 80+ years ago we believed animals don’t feel pain at all because they have ‘no soul,’ and pointed out that common sense would say a giant piece of steel piercing your flesh will hurt like a bitch. I also pointed out that while he’d be scared of getting stabbed with it, it’s 20 times larger for a cat who’s 20 times smaller than a human, so it’d be like getting shanked with a bayonette.

The reason I’m making a big deal out of this is because I have been ambushed by the system, had my cat ransomed to me, and it was all done in a way that assured I did not have access to legal remedy in a way that I could take my cat and we could settle the matter civilly at a later point, the fact their rules and regulations force you to have to either do as they say to get your pet then chase it up later, or abandon your pet for a week to a month (by which point it may probably be up for adoption or destroyed) is utterly ridiculous in a civilised nation in 2012.

Blacktown City Council, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, as should the NSW Government or any body supporting this nonsense. I spent the car ride home covered in blood, trying to settle an injured animal down that was bleeding profusely (I’ve only just finally stopped the bleeding, an hour later, and she’s in serious discomfort and pain from it) all because some dickhead decided to try and steal my pet. You’ve made a victim of crime a victim of the system, without reason, rationality, or common sense applied anywhere therein. You’ve taken away my constitutional right to legal remedy by holding my animal ransom. And you’ve pissed off the wrong nerd.

Note: The people at the animal holding facility were fantastic, professional, and did Blacktown Council more justice than they should have, so I don’t want this in any way to reflect badly on them. They were obeying idiotic internal rules and regulations enforced on them by some desk jockey twenty miles away who has no idea of the internal running of the facility, and clearly has no common sense. It just makes me disgusted even more that such fantastic employees have to also suffer this idiocy. The entire costs came to approx. $200 as she was desexed, etc, etc, but could have exceeded $350 as I was first appraised on the phone including holding and sustenance.

[1] Companion Animals Regulation 2008 (3) 23, which also is not retroactive and thus still not valid to the animal in question if it was born prior to 2008. Meaning they don’t need to be registered or chipped if they were born before 1998, and the ‘once they turn up here they have to be’ part doesn’t apply if they were born prior to 2008. This doesn’t mean that the regulation itself isn’t completely moronic and just good old New South Wales revenue raising.

Email sent to Blacktown City Council on the issue, to see what kind of escalation I can get about their horribly moronic practices:

Dear Sir / Madam,

Just touching base further to our conversation today when I picked up Mang (now known as Prisoner 00546) relating to the Companion Animals Act 1998. I wish to have this issue looked into and escalated, and hope to at least provide some form of systemic change to allow staff members, who are clearly experienced in animal management, to have the right to discretion in these matters.

I investigated what I had said about the Act not being retroactive, nor the Regulations, and on returning home and examining the regulations in full on AustLII I found that it isn’t retroactive. Meaning any animal born before the end of 1998 need not be forcibly microchipped and registered, and the parenthetical of the subclause of the clause of the Regulation of the Act on the wall is spurious at best but could only be applied to animals born after 2008.

The purpose of the legislation is obvious, and the reasoning for it not including animals born before X date is to prevent having to register an animal that is probably on it’s last legs anyway. With statutory interpretation, common sense rules. Our laws are written so the average person can understand them, and if it were meant to apply to animals before a date, it will say so. In a situation like this, I was left with the alternative of seeking my constitutionally afforded access to legal remedy but at a cost of not having my animal released into my custody for the duration of the matter, which could be weeks to months. Or to agree to what I am told and do as I am told to get my pet back.

The logical way of handling this in the best interest of the animal, the owner, and most definitely the pound itself–given that my address, and contact details, and registered state identification were surrendered in the retrieval process and that chipping and registration were to occur at my private vet at a 2PM appointment–would be to release the animal into the custody of the owner pending resolution of the matter.

Most people will not follow these situations up because they’re just thankful and relieved to have their animal back, but that is how horrible and unjust issues fly under the radar and go so long without being repealed or remedied.

I do strongly wish to stress however that your staff were extremely professional, courteous, and patient in handling this matter and I commend this thoroughly. You have done Blacktown City Council more justice than they deserve on this issue. But the whole matter becomes even more disgusting when staff members’ hands are tied by desk jockeys who have only a pen and paper understanding of the running of the facility.

On leaving this morning, my cat has yet to cease showing signs of extreme discomfort from the implant, and is walking crouched (as they do when they have something stuck to their fur) and growling if touched or approached, all extremely out of character for a super friendly, loving, affectionate animal that behaves more like a loyal dog than a cat, inclusive of obedience to commands or even hand signals. It took me half an hour to stop the bleeding.

On a brief review of chipping practice, local anaesthetic appears to be (and rightly so, it’s illogical not to) the norm for everywhere but Australia, with most private vets seeming to opt for it also, given that it would be the equivalent of a human being stuck with a bayonet on a size based ratio with a pager being shoved under their skin between their shoulder blades.

This practice could be averted with a collar and tag, or ear tattoo, costing a few dollars, with owners filling out the registration on line at a central database. I’d even hazard a guess that adoption agencies, animal welfare groups, and animal rights organisations would give collars and tags with e-registration methods away free of charge. If the purpose of registration and chipping is in the interest of animals and owners, then the current system is not the way as people will only do it when forced to. I honestly believe the purpose of registration is revenue raising by the state government, as from my reading on the matter none of the funding goes into the hands of the pound or to companion animal care.

The practice itself is something that cannot be resolved at this level, and I am aware of this, but the manner in which the practice is meted out while animals are held ransom is inappropriate in a civilised society. The fact that staff are not given the discretion to waive this issue, or handle it within their professional judgment being persons who are on the front lines and dealing with the reprocussions of silly policies is even worse than the practice itself.

Note to Blacktown City Council: My blog has a demographic reach of in excess of 40 times your cities population. It provides more exposure than a prime time television advertising campaign operated for in excess of a month on Australian television. The demographic includes many celebrities, influential people, and people you really don’t want to look like a complete dick in front of. Congratulations.

Imagine if a dumb trend like planking collided with something much more dangerous than a balcony railing, like say religious fanaticism, and an entire nation caught the bug.

Ummm, what’s that thing I do again? It’ll come to me in a minute… Oh yeah, play football! Yeah, that’s it!

Welcome to contemporary America, where the fad of “Tebowing” is both sweeping and dividing the nation. Tee-what? Tebowing, named after hyper-religious Denver Broncos quarterback, Tim Tebow, is the act of taking a knee in prayer, usually while you’re actually doing something else. Like playing footy.

Tebow has been doing it for months in Broncos games, although he won’t be doing it any more this season, or not onfield anyway, after his team was thumped by the New England Patriots on the weekend. Apparently God prefers a patriot to a believer.

You know, watching the above video I’m quite surprised that not a single hand has headed in for a grope. What is wrong with those people? Ok, crudeness aside, well, no, not aside, I’m going straight into the land of crude and setting off fireworks.

So, Katy Perry has a great rack, I think we can all agree on that (except maybe socially awkward mildly retarded introverts who get angry at other females who have sex appeal above that of a toad), she always wears low cut tiny tops, and always seems to like draping her fans faces in her giant jugs while singing and leaning forward.

Thus, I present to you my ultimate challenge for 2012.

If you ever get a front row seat to one of her concerts, and are within boob groping range, ensure your friends all have their mobile phones out, bring a printed A4 sign saying something corny like “KATY, I has teh cancer n amb dying, pls to be kissing me!” and when she leans in to give you a smooch, or does her usual drape the audience faces in her norks, that is the moment!

The moment you cease to be a useless waste of skin and become an internet god.

I want you to reach up with both hands, as though you are about to embrace her tenderly, then take a firm hold of the top of her shirt and rip her fucking top off.

If you succeed, I needn’t explain the level of awesome rewards life will offer you, but the mere fact you’d have a face full of K-titty should be reward enough. Now pass this on to all your friends to increase the odds of this operation being successful.