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News for the ‘movie reviews’ Category

Gordon Ramsey Romantic Comedy Film Bombs, UK Profit Opening Night: $181

This made me smirk. Which for an unemotional stoic wank rockstar celebrity blogger like myself is a HUGE expression of mirth comparable to a mere mortals soiling of pants.

AT some point, somebody involved with the romantic comedy Love’s Kitchen must have thought that it was a recipe for success, but box office figures out yesterday told a very different story.

The UK film, starring Dougray Scott (who previously appeared in Desperate Housewives as Teri Hatcher’s love interest), Four Weddings and a Funeral actor Simon Callow and Gordon Ramsay (as himself), had indeed achieved one of the most remarkable opening weekends in cinema history, though not quite in the sense that the producers were hoping for.

Love’s Kitchen grossed precisely £121 ($181) nationwide, The (London) Times reported.

The entire UK takings would cover the cost for one person of the cheapest available dinner with two small glasses of house wine, coffee and chocolates at Restaurant Gordon Ramsay, the Michelin-starred chef’s eatery in Royal Hospital Road, West London.

The record UK box office taking for an opening weekend belongs to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1, which grossed £18.32 million $27.4 million) last November.

Love’s Kitchen, by contrast, appears to have been seen by more reviewers than paying punters. You would hope that they enjoyed writer and director James Hacking’s debut film more than the critics.

Wendy Ide, of the Times, awarded it no stars, describing it as “cack-handed, cloth-eared” and featuring “exchanges so painful to watch that you would be better off rubbing Scotch bonnet peppers in your eyes.”

Charles Gant, a box office analyst, said that the film’s opening weekend was “one of the worst performances ever” in the UK. “My guess would be 20 people saw this film,” he said.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/movies/gordon-ramsay-clebrity-chef-film-loves-kitchen-bombs-taking-just-181/story-e6frfmvr-1226085002388#ixzz1QkBQG1Ab
Posted: June 30th, 2011
Categories: celebrity, celebrity gossip, epiclullz, movie reviews, movies
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Animation Realism ‘too Creepy’

Computer animation has a problem. When it gets too realistic, it starts creeping people out.

Most recently, moviegoers complained about the near-realistic depiction of humans in Disney’s 3D flick Mars Needs Moms, which bombed at the box office despite costing hundreds of millions of dollars.

A theory called the “uncanny valley” says we tend to feel attracted to inanimate objects with human traits, the way a teddy bear or a rag doll seems cute.

Our affection grows as an object looks more human. But if it looks too human, we suddenly become repulsed.

Instead of seeing what’s similar, we notice the flaws — and the motionless eyes or awkward movements suddenly make us uncomfortable.

Mars may have plunged to the bottom of this valley of fear.

“People always comment on things feeling strangely dead around the eyes,” said Chuck Sheetz, an animation director of The Simpsons and a professor at the University of California, Los Angeles.

“If it gets too literal, it starts to feel false or has a strange effect.”

Skin texture that is slightly off can especially leave people feeling unsettled, said Patrick Markey, a psychologist and director of Villanova University’s Interpersonal Research Laboratory.

The near-realistic animation style championed by producer Robert Zemeckis uses motion-capture technology, where actors are covered with dots and skin suits and have their performances captured on computer. The dots provide the frame, and the rest is filled in with computerised graphics.

Mars creates humans that are more realistic and detailed than Zemeckis’ earlier attempts in such movies as Beowulf and The Polar Express — which were also criticised for inviting this discomfort. The greater detail might have made things worse.

Doug McGoldrick, who took his two daughters to see the movie, said the faces of the main characters “were just wrong”.

Their foreheads were lifeless and plastic-looking, “like they used way too much botox or something”, said the 41-year-old photographer in Chicago, Illinois.

Marc Kelley, a 32-year-old pastor in Allegan, Michigan, who went with his two young children, said he found the renditions of characters “all annoying in their own way”.

Indeed, when the mother of the main character Milo mentioned the word “zombies” at the start of the movie, it conjured up a feeling that the characters were themselves undead.

Animation experts say the key to success is to be only authentic enough to tug at our heart strings.

The best example of this was Avatar, the 2009 blockbuster that made $US2.8 billion in theatres around the world.

The humanoid, but blue-bodied Na’vi were alien enough not to trigger our inner rejection mechanism.

“My own personal opinion is try to stay away from photo-real with a human,” said Greg Philyaw, the business development director at Giant Studios, which captured the performance of human actors for their digital re-creation in Avatar.

“Subconsciously you know what you’re looking at isn’t quite right.”

Disney, by its actions, has already voted against the super-real animation format.

Last March, it said it would shut down the Zemeckis-run company ImageMovers Digital, which made Mars, to cut costs.

Several months ago, Disney also nixed a plan to fund and distribute Zemeckis’ Yellow Submarine, a half-finished work he is now free to shop to other studios.

Disney declined to comment for this story, and Zemeckis declined interview requests through an agent.

Mars had an estimated $US150 million production budget, but has brought in just $US34 million globally since its March 11 opening.

To be fair, there were other problems besides being visually unnerving.

For one, it appeared to be marketed at young boys who are interested in science fiction but also are closely attached to their mothers. That’s a small group to begin with, and neglects dads and daughters.

Some young children also got scared about the plot involving mommy abduction.

Mars also came just a week after Paramount’s 2D animated movie Rango, starring Johnny Depp.

And instead of appealing to fans because of the increasingly popular 3D format, Mars may have annoyed theatregoers faced with higher 3D ticket prices.

“If a movie’s unappealing and you’re trying to charge a higher ticket price for it, it makes it even less appealing,” said Brandon Gray, president of tracking company Box Office Mojo.

Mr Gray noted that Mars had the lowest opening weekend for a wide-release 3D movie ever.

Maija Burnett, associate director of character animation at California Institute of the Arts, took a broader view, even though the school teaches about the pitfalls of the “uncanny valley” in class.

“There’s a continuing attempt to explore what the boundaries are within (computer generated) animation,” she said.

“Every film that uses this is one important step along the way.”

In the “uncanny valley” theory, the valley isn’t bottomless. As things grow more realistically human, our affection starts increasing again, climbing out of the valley on the other side.

In other words, increasingly sophisticated animation might stop creeping us out and start fooling us.

Posted: April 5th, 2011
Categories: consumer reviews, critical thought, movie reviews, movies, oddities, pop culture, science, technology, vox pop
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Upcoming horror: Cloverfield 2, Silent Hill 2, Rec 2

Wet dream come true, right? These are just industry rumours, so don’t quote me on them, or do if you like idgaf. Cloverfield 2 has been “in talks,” as Paramount is trying to work out a deal with original director Matt Reeves, along with Abrams and writer Drew Goddard since the end of Cloverfield’s production, but given that JJ has nothing going for him now Lost ended, a little birdy has told me that a late 2010 production is on the cards.

The obvious sequel to the successful game-to-film adaptation is in the works, with Davis Films aiming to shoot the movie in 2010 after Resident Evil 4, which it’s now prepping. Sadly, given that Resident Evil has always been an absolute crap franchise, even for zombie-related material, we’ll probably see 50,000 lurkers coming out of a shoe box big enough to fit 0.17 of them. It’s said that if Christophe Gans doesn’t return as director that they’ll possible seek another foreign director although he’s expressed interest in staying with the franchise, but if he is unable to, he’ll remain close to production and feels that the visual style and tone of the first film should be kept in tact. Roger Avary (Silent Hill, Beowulf) will return and has signed on the dotted line.

Rec 2 is out and finished, it won’t be in cinema’s in Australia until the end of the world (see: 2012?) but is available at Pirate Bay as a torrent download with hard coded English subs, it follows the storyline of Rec, but sadly because they’ve again opted not to use English the subtitles really do detract from something visceral like a body-horror as the Rec franchise has come to be seen. This means that there’ll be a Quarantine 2 (Quarantine was the English language variant, American shot version of Rec) which means more tardy American B-grade actors aplenty and a quality overall dimished yet still superior to the non-English version due to no distracting subs and better production elements bad actors aside.

Posted: June 20th, 2010
Categories: horror, movie reviews, movies, survival horror, zombies
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Kendra Wilkinson Sex Tape (NSFW)

Yes, it’s real. Yes it’s here. And yes I included a link where you can download Kendra Wilkinson’s sex tape, “Kendra Exposed” which Vivid Entertainment released despite Kendra’s legal battle to prevent it. Kendra’s lawyer wrote to Vivid:

“The video is private and highly confidential taken for private use and not for public disclosure. Any exploitation of the video would be a gross violation of Miss Wilkinson’s constitutional and common law rights of privacy.”

Kendra is said to be worried what her husband Hank Baskett, Jr. is going to think of her after the tape’s release and that it might ruin her marriage! But Vivid doesn’t seem to care too much about that as CEO Steve Hirsch says:

“After reviewing our legal position we remain confident of our right to distribute the video. Thus Vivid.Com plans to release Kendra Exposed within the next several weeks.”

A rep for Kendra added, “During this difficult time, Kendra and her family would greatly appreciate the respect of their privacy.”

Not only were there multiple sex tapes, but multiple partners and while Kendra has threatened to sue if the tapes are released she has not returned requests for comment about her attempts to secretly sell the tapes and the company she formed in November, 2008 to do so. Unfortunately the leaked version involves some fugly ranga and is a single shoot single partner thing.

While attempting to sell the tapes in 2008 Kendra was already with Philadelphia Eagles’ wide receiver Hank Baskett, who is now her husband. She needed the approval of Playboy’s Hugh Heffner to go through with the deal, as she was starring in her final season of The Girls Next Door.

I’m going to save everyone a lot of trouble and make of list of things not in Kendra’s sex tapes:

1. Unicorns.
2. Condoms.
3. Her husband.

Without further ado, we’ll respect Vivid’s copyright as much as they respected her privacy:

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/5599648/Kendra_Wilkinson_Exposed_Full_Sex_Tape
Uploaded: 05-30 14:31, size 527.72 MB 494 seeders.

Posted: June 20th, 2010
Categories: celebrity, celebrity gossip, epiclullz, movie reviews, movies, nsfw, pop culture
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Pioneer One, Torrent Release Free Serial Drama

An object in the sky spreads radiation over North America. Fearing terrorism, U.S. Homeland Security agents are dispatched to investigate and contain the damage. What they discover will have implications for the entire world. So reads the bi-line of one of the, pun intended, pioneer films shot with intent for torrent release.

Pioneer One is the latest project from Josh Bernhard and Bracey Smith whose previous indie feature The Lionshare, became VODO’s biggest success to date with over 450,000 downloads since its release. The success of the project inspired the writer/director duo to develop this quality drama in collaboration with VODO and its distribution partners. With a successful distribution of the pilot they’re hunting for the donors and sponsors that will make the continuation of the show possible.

The show’s pilot was shot for just $6000, raised through the micro-funding platform Kickstarter. “This production was possible due in no small part to the willingness of talented, professional people working for free,” explains Bernhard. “From actors to composers, they did this because they believed in the project and wanted to see it happen.The production was a journey in and of itself. Check out the video blogs that were posted to the web that tell the story from script to finished episode”: vimeo.com/channels/pioneerone.

The initial pilot is very short, and you really don’t see where they dropped the $6k in donations, aside from knowing they’re operating one camera. Or someone, rather, is operating one camera, who is clearly not qualified to be doing so based on the very amateur film studentish angles used and the inability to smoothly frame a shot. It feels as though the entire thing was shot in one take day with no reshooting scenes that didn’t play out well, especially during a lot of the two person conversations where the camera is trying to stick to the rule of thirds but the persons are so close to each other they’re basically cutting a person out each time the opposite speaks and vice versa.

I don’t mean to overly criticise it, it’s a good attempt, but it just lacks a lot, and doesn’t seem to be worth the $6k spent. They better bust into zombie apocalypse and bunker survival soon because they can drop their costs dramatically if they went the route of true survival horror. Oh well, here’s hoping.

Posted: June 17th, 2010
Categories: consumer reviews, movie reviews, movies, piracy, pop culture, sci-fi, television, zombies
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Movie Review: Survival of the Dead (2009), G.A. Romero.

Most of you know I am an avid zombie lover, well, no, I don’t love the undead, I love films, games, and things about them. Needless to say, things can’t score a 10/10 when I review films unless they implicitly have zombies.

A few years back after the remake of Dawn of the Dead, George A. Romero, a hack director who got lucky with one semi good zombie film then a series of really cliche splattercore lameness managed to con some producers into giving him some cash to make Diary of the Dead, to compliment Night, Day, Dawn, Dusk, Teatime of the Dead et al.

Diary of the Dead was really hack. Low quality. Bad actors, bad storyline, bad .. everything.

Well, he did it again. He’s like that old rocker who didn’t age gracefully and really needs to get the fuck off stage and not try and relive his glory days.

Survival of the Dead is the biggest let down. It brings back the soldiers who were featured as highway men in Diary of the Dead, the opening scene alone tells us that film production hasn’t improved over the years past the laughable nearly comic splattercore lameness of the 70′s and 80′s as Romero is still just as tacky and lame.

Corny one liners, really bad effects, uneccesary gore for the sake of gore, and the old school cliche freak outs that became far too predictable in the 80′s.

I just wish people would stop giving Romero money to make this shit. He’s ruining my impression of him with every film he releases. All in all, Survival of the Dead is terrible. It’s below B-grade, and feels so unfinished, more like a first year film production project. What’s worse is he still has his moral preachy soapboxy portions that really made me disregard him as a real director from the get go.

1/10. And the 1 is for zombies, nothing more.

Posted: May 8th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, movies, zombies
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Top 10 Pirated Films of 2009 per TorrentFreak

TorrentFreak recently released statistics that reinforced my previous post on this issue, the top ten downloaded films of 2009 are no surprise. Well, actually some are pretty crap and I don’t know why people would bother, but hey. Let’s just hope film producers consider it a compliment, and rest assured knowing all of us have purchased legitimate copies of things we’ve downloaded. Well, some of us. Maybe it was just for the directors commentary and special features. Okay, so we ripped your shit off and you didn’t get a cent out of us, sorry ’bout that hey. 🙂

10. Knowing

Kicking off the list of 2009′s most pirated movies is sci-fi thriller Knowing. The blockbuster, starring Nicholas Cage, made $200 million worldwide. It was illegally downloaded 6.93 million times / Summit Entertainment

9. X-Men Origins: Wolverine

X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Australia’s Hugh Jackman, was leaked online one month before its scheduled release in May last year.

The leak received widespread media attention when Fox News entertainment columnist Roger Friedman was fired for downloading the illegal version to review it. The film clawed in $406 million and was downloaded 7.2 million times / Fox

8. State of play

Kevin Macdonald’s political thriller about a journalist’s fight to solve the mystery behind a congressman’s murdered mistress made just under $95.6 million worldwide. It was downloaded 7.44 million times / Universal

7. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince came in third for the highest grossing film of 2009, raking in more than $1 billion worldwide. The movie was illegally downloaded 7.93 million times / Warner Bros.

6. District 9

Sci-fi film District 9 did well at the box office, making over $223 million. It was downloaded 8.28 million times / Tristar

5. Twilight

The film adaptation of Stephanie Meyer’s popular novel earned more than $419 million worldwide when it was released in 2008. Despite its success the year before, the film was still illegally downloaded 8.72 million times in 2009 / Summit Entertainment

4. The Hangover

Todd Phillips’ misadventure comedy The Hangover came sixth in worldwide box office results in 2009, raking in $509 million. It was downloaded 9.18 million times / Warner Bros

3. RocknRolla

Although it premiered in late 2008, Guy Ritchie’s RocknRolla was the third most illegally downloaded movie of 2009. The movie made just over $28 million at the box office and was downloaded 9.43 million times / Warner Bros.

2. Transformers: Rise of the Fallen

Michael Bay’s sequel Transformers: Rise of the Fallen proved more successful than its predecessor at the box office. The movie grossed over $900 million worldwide $120 million more than the first film. It was illegally downloaded 10.6 million times / Paramount

1. Star Trek

JJ Abrams’ Star Trek was popular at the box office, raking in more than $416 million, but it was also popular with pirates. According to TorrentFreak the movie was illegally downloaded 10.96 million times – making it the most pirated movie of 2009 / Paramount

Posted: April 18th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, movies, piracy, pop culture, technology, television
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The No BS Low-Down on 3DTV

If you’re like me, you’re baffled (even in your techno-guru wisdom) as to what the feck this 3DTV obsession is about that has lackluster demands from audiences but is being forcefed down the Hollywood umbilical cord to all corners of the globe as the next ‘it technology’.

It comes as a surprise to many to learn that the idea of stereoscopy actually preceded photography. Binocular drawings were made by Giovanni Battista della Porta (1538-1615), whilst about the same period Jacopo Chimenti da Empoli (1554-1640) produced drawings side by side which clearly indicated his understanding of binocular vision.

In 1613 the Jesuit Francois d’Aguillion (1567-1617), in his treatise, coined the word “stéréoscopique” The first practical steps to demonstrate the theory by constructing equipment for the purpose did not take place until the 1800s. Though most associate Brewster with the invention, it was Sir Charles Wheatstone who, in June 1838, gave an address to the Royal Scottish Society of Arts on the phenomena of binocular vision. Wheatstone’s actual stereoscope is preserved at the Science Museum in London. Eleven years were to elapse before Sir David Brewster described a binocular camera, and the first stereoscopic photographs began to be produced.

Useless trivia aside, 2010 saw a really crap take on Fern Gully with giant blue furries known as Avatar to some, not to be confused with the really crap take on Kung Fu the TV Series animated by sweatshop labour and flogged off as ‘anime’ (and later a spectacularly crap Xbox game which gives 1000 gamer points in under 20 seconds). This seems to have been the fulcrum of an explosive marketing campaign of outdated shit technology under the guise of 3DTV. Wtf is it? Still lost?

There are several technologies that exist to provide three dimensional perception of television. Two are passive, one is active, and one is … well, somewhat theoretical. The two passive ones are dependent on the image being displayed, ie: would cost you nothing to view aside from a $0.50 pair of glasses, one red and cyan, the other a somewhat tinted pair. These technologies are compatible with your current TV.

Those are NOT the technologies that will ever be used by 3DTV.

LC shutter glasses are glasses are a $200 pair of battery powered glasses used in conjunction with a special highly overpriced $4,000 (entry level) display screen to create the illusion of a three dimensional image. Glass containing liquid crystal and a polarizing filter has the property that it becomes dark when voltage is applied, but otherwise is transparent. The glasses are controlled by an infrared, radio frequency, DLP-Link or Bluetooth transmitter in your overpriced TV that sends a timing signal. The glasses alternately darken over one eye, and then the other, in synchronization with the refresh rate of the screen, while the display alternately displays different perspectives for each eye, using a technique called alternate-frame sequencing.

Flicker can be extremely noticeable except at very high refresh rates, as each eye is effectively receiving only half of the monitor’s actual refresh rate. Until recently, the method only worked with CRT monitors; SOME modern flat-panel monitors now support high-enough refresh rates to work with some LC shutter systems, these are being marked up several thousand dollars while you read this with intent to jip you out of your consumeristic compulsive urge to have 3DTV.

Because the LC shutter glasses are shutting out light half of the time, and are slightly dark even when letting light through, less light reaches the viewer’s eyes from the display. This gives an effect similar to watching TV with sunglasses on. Frame rate has to be double that of an ordinary stream to get an equivalent result. All equipment in the chain has to be able to process frames at double rate; in essence this doubles the hardware requirements of the equipment and means you have to throw our all your technology just to get this gimmicky thing.

So in conclusion, throw every piece of entertainment equipment you own and be prepared to pay ten times what you paid for it last time just to sit in a dark room like a cock with cyborg sunglasses on that cost you more than your designer sunnies and have batteries in them. You are now the apex of class, style, and finesse, or so the Hollywood umbilical that compels us all would have you believe.

To the rest of us, you’re still a dickhead buying into a fad. 🙂

Posted: April 13th, 2010
Categories: consumer reviews, gadget, lifestyle, movie reviews, pop culture, rant, reviews, technology, television
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Movie Review: Shaun of the Dead (2004) Old but Gold

Watching it and really felt the urge to suggest it to you all; Shaun of the Dead is a brilliant post-zombie-appocalypse comedy horror with so much tongue in cheek, wit, and dark humour it’s bloody brilliant. I’m sure you’ve seen it, if you haven’t omfg kgo, nao! If you have .. watch it again you won’t regret it.

From Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now playing on the jukebox (now you get the Left 4 Dead 2 jukebox lullz of Jonathon Coulter’s ‘Re: Your Brains’) through to the glorious anti-hero main character and his pathetic life, it’s all pure zombie win.

10/10, mostly because it has zombies!

Posted: April 11th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, zombies
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Movie Review: The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (2008)

Shot mostly in Hungary, by relatively unknown production crews, this is a late-to-air show as far as I’m aware given that it was made in 2008 and only premiered on Australian TV the other day.

Without being too cliche, this film is about a little German boy who decides it’d be fun to play Jew for a day. Unfortunately he picks the time they’re all dragged off and gassed. Sounds fucked up, right? That’s the tip of the ice berg.

The narrative addresses the innocence of youth, has the typical cliche fish out of water scenario of an isolated German boy who’s daddy is a soldier who runs ‘the farm’ out the back, where ‘strange people’ who ‘wear their pajamas all day’ lurk. It focuses in on the bond that the boy makes with one of these strange pajama wearing people, and whilst the big sister acts as a narratological mechanism to burst the bubble it really does make the entire show more chilling seeing it through the eyes of an innocent young kid.

I’m afraid I blew the ending in the first paragraph, but at the same time it’s pretty much predictable as fuck. There’s nothing new here, but it still creeps the fuck out of me the way it was depicted through a kids eyes. It was pretty gripping stuff.

6/10.

Posted: April 9th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, reviews, television
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Movie Review: Shutter Island (2010)

A slow starter, somewhat a fish out of water narrative with heavy cliche reliance on the heart broken main character, isolated, and probably destined to redeem himself before this is through.

Leonardo Di Caprio’s acting is–as always–a mood ruiner, guy can’t even speak English, ‘ex-caped prison-uh’ my arse. The big old evil realm of psychiatry again used as a deus ex machina for an already cliche pushing film.

Great concept, poor execution, bad acting, surprisingly good cinematography. Very House on Haunted Hill, although I’d give that film a high 9.

Overall 7/10.

Post-script: Somehow they managed to tie nazi’s into it. Nazi psychiatrists! The über-badguy for any lackluster narrative! 😛

Posted: April 8th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, movies, reviews
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Movie Review: The Grudge 3 (2009)

Crazy kid in an asylum, ripped apart in an empty room, cut scene to crazy Asian man killing wife, cat, and other stuff; lots if lame long black hair. You just know you’re watching J-horror at it’s finest .. make that lamest.

Edgy when the Ring first came out, the Grudge 3 just flogs the dead horse of cliche spirits, creepy kids, and long black hair which is about as frightening as a sock.

Set after the events of the second, this one actually has a lot of Japanese and is subtitled for many bits; nice given that most of the Americanised J-horror out there combines the worst of both world.

Nothing too scary, don’t know why it doesn’t have a PG rating. It does however have Marina Sirtis in it, who played Deanna Troi in Star Trek: The Next Generation.

4/10, 3 of which are for having a Trekkie on cast.

Posted: March 21st, 2010
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Movie Review: Saw VI (2009)

The same as Saw II-V, except with more cut scenes. That’s all I have to say. Tardy.

3/10.

Posted: March 21st, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, movies
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Gaga for Avatar & Fast Track Piracy

Stargate Universe returns, “fast tracked from the US,” or so @SciFiTV claims; given that V (reimagined) and Survivors (remake) are into season 2 and have just premiered in Australia I’m not holding my breath. I think I’ll just put EzTV to task for my entertainment, join the fun and torrent TV before that fucknut Stephen Conroy censors all torrent sites because the ‘russian maffia’ hack things to upload kiddy porn–I shit you not he cited that as to why most of the sites on his mandatory censorship list were on there, from barbers to dentists–and torrents go bye byes for Australians.

It seems to be a slow year for entertainment, with Lady Gaga being the only chart rocking beyotch of note and a crappy CGI flick that could be a lateral Marlon Brando narratological prequel to Apocalypse Now, in space, was the ‘big hit’–but had lackluster results in award shows–to the chagrin of those who aren’t sensationalism worshipping twats who go and see what the buzz tells them to.

Let’s just be thankful for sites like EzTV though, we can watch what we want when we want and in HD where most channels are still 480, and most ‘HD’ is 720x

On the other hand I’ve caught up on Lost. it’s totally Twin Peaks all over again, getting zanier as it goes and relying on the audience to ‘just accept’ hoping that the final big reveal will make all this nonsense have some semblence of sanity; knowing Abrams that won’t be the case. It does appear my original suspicions of duality incarnate (ever since John Locke played checkers with that little kid) in a multi-dimensional reality of sorts. Locke being the black smoke, Linus being the victim, everyone jumbling up it really is strange now.

The more I see Evangeline Lilly the less attractive I find her, she still looks fit but it’s the finer details of basic girly grooming she fails at, from manky hands through to gross feet and constantly being grimy. Fair enough they’re on an island in the middle of nowhere but there’s enough water supply to bathe man …

I just realized how bitter my posts are. I’ll do you all a deal; I’ll stop being so cynical when the world sucks less dick as a whole. 😉

Posted: March 20th, 2010
Categories: consumer reviews, movie reviews, technology
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Movie Review: Saw V (2008)

I have stopped with the Twitter reviews and have moved to blog format, I really can’t say much via Twitter; that being said my blog reviews will still be brief and aimed to be an at a glance dynamic rather than a critique.

My aim is to tell you what I’m watching, whether it’s good, and give it my regular rating out of 10 (a 10 only attainable if there’s zombies, thus 9 being the highest, albeit nothing has scored an 8 yet); if you choose to watch it, I hope my snippet reviews help. 🙂

Now, on with the first blogged review! I’ve finally gotten around to watching Saw V, whilst I followed it’s production closely. The Saw franchise was the brainstorm of a couple of unknown Australians (IIRC), it started out visceral and horrific, in a true body horror sense. Then it did the obvious, sold out and became tactless splattercore.

Saw V doesn’t disappoint if gore is your thing, the plot is rather obvious from the get go. The games are often unfair and pointless with allegorical implications of some morality behind each act.

The initial narrative is very similar to the key elements of The Cube (remake), which is friggen awesome i might add! All up I’m glad I didn’t waste my cash to see it at the cinemas, horribly predictable. Nothing will top the needle pit IMHO. :/

6/10.

Posted: March 8th, 2010
Categories: movie reviews, movies
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